Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Second Chances~

Second chances...what do you have to say about second chances...

I thought giving out second chances is easy, like it the movies you always witnessed..

'hey, give him/her a second chance...he's a changed man/woman'...

I have always thought of, when you give out second chances, it would e as easy as that...

But as I face through hardship in life..I learnt that second chances don't come easy, like respect, you have to earn it...It's rare...

Imagine if someone hurt you beyond repair, destroy the trust that you have given him/her..the very person that strip down all your guards, wear your heart on your sleeves and he/she hurt you..would second chances come easy...No, it doesn't...

I know in life, there really are no bad guys/gals, people turn out to be the person they are today is due to certain circumstances...but under that circumstances, there is by any chance that a person can might actually be strong and emerge as a good person rather than bad..I see that happen...In life, you have choices and that choices show what kind of person you are..i know decision making is not an easy thing in life, all that i asking..if you want to make that choice don't make a rash decision, because sometimes without you knowing it, the choices you make also effect the people around you..don't be selfish..just sit and think look around you analyze and minimize the risk..the risk of hurting someone..

how can you give a second chance to someone who makes rash decision, broke you heart into pieces...giving second chance to be friends again or being close to you again..

I can't give it out because every time I see all that faces it would remind me of how easy I can get hurt and how long it took for me to recover my sanity...Does the word SORRY would fix anything and evrything..it doesn't work for me...It's not easy...I'm sorry I just can't...Why do the people I love keep breaking my heart like this...How am I ever gonna see things back to the way they are again...I can't...as much a they say time heals everything..I wonder is mine gonna take forever and the longest...It's not that i don't forgive, I long ago forgave...what is left in me is fear...fear to be hurt again...it's scary and it hurts...

Second Chance don't come easy, it's rare and you have to earn it...



Monday, September 27, 2010

Grey's Anatomy~


Do you know one thing about life that I am blessed with, since the day I graduated, I was never left unemployed for long..only a few months..But I was destined to do the things that I love..

After I graduated, A friend from UIA (again..huhu) called me up saying..

'hey, want a job, but the pay is not that grand..we could use some help here'

Then I said..

'I would love to..don't worry am not after the money, only experience..coz it's priceless..hehe'

At first my mom refuse to let me go because of the pay, but I manage to convince her that I need to do this...and it's not for the money...huhu~

What I love about my job is because it involves lecturing..I had fun..for the first job, it is on contractual basis, my works ends as the semester ends..but I love it..I had to conduct and monitor labs for Organic Chemistry and Chemistry and Bio-Chemistry of Natural Product...Sounds tough eay..well, it is tought when you're the one that has to do all the explaining...huhu..

Later, I was called for and interview for a lecturing position..A Level students under MARA..I nailed the job..but heck I was nervous caused I'll be teaching future doctors..

I had to teach them Biology, and I had the chance to be with them for a semester..even for a semester it was an amazing journey for me...I was not very good at times, but this kid also make me grew to be better at what am I doing back then...

It wasn't easy back then,

But I didn't mind at all, the..

Late nights of studying and preparing just in case that the students ask you questions in class hoping that you'll be prepared for it...preparing for slides..tons and tons of papers to mark, quizess, lab reports..tending their problems, academically or even personal matters...I found joy in doing what I was doing..

My students in UIA, they are probably in their third year know..and another batch has graduated already..

And my A-Level students, last I heard, most of em already flew all and scattered all over europe (ireland, UK, czech republic) australia and Indonesia last raya...How am I proud of em...and I guess the next time I watched Grey's Anotomy, it will remind me that my students will turn in to that in the future..the feeling is simply blissfull...

And now, am doing my MSc in USM under the UIA fellowship (scholarship), I won't have the chance to run from lecturing anymore..but then again, I don't mind, I love what I do..whether now or ever...I will love this...

It's true la what Juliet said, 'Jodoh you dengan kerja lagi kuat compare to jodoh you with man'..erkkkkkk...

but for now, i don't really mind, at least, work don't break your heart like man does kn..hahaha~

A lil trivia:

DO YOU KNOW -

  • If all major forms of cardiovascular disease were eliminated, human life expectance would increase by 9.78 years.
  • If a person or an animal is born colorblind, they instantly have excellent night vision.
  • The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.(keep dreaming people)
  • Your blood vessels, if laid end to end, would encircle the globe twice over.
  • Turtles and sea cucumbers can breathe through their butts.(You didn't see this one coming..hahaha...don't laugh it's true)
*have a nice day everyone..remember, candy a day keeps your frustration at bay*

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Stainless Steel~


I sometimes wish that I am made out of stainless steel,

unreadable, more aloof, rigid and and immune from any sorts of emotions (esp the bad ones)..

I am readable they say, very easily read, but what annoys them is that, when I am upset, I don't share it, just kept everything to myself..

All my feeling, whether I am happy or when I am sad, whether am I in fear, agony or angry...all are channeled in a form of a crystal clear fluid which is tears...well, call me a cry baby..but i dun cry in public like a baby does (but how I wish I could do that)..but no, i like usually cry in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep..(T_T)~

Juliet use to say, 'Sometimes I feel guilty whenever I am happy because I don't feel like I deserve it'

and I would tell her the feeling is mutual...but I would tell her again, 'but Juliet, God is great, you have to remember, for a girl like you, who has gone through so many hardship in life, you deserve to be happy, He wants you to be happy'...

I constantly keep reminding myself, whatever happens in life, whether it's good or bad, good and bad experiences they are always good for you...everything comes with a lesson for you to learn, all you have to do is use your brain and heart, dig a lil deeper and you'll find it..Again God is great, and He is fair..it'll take sometime for us too see all the silver linings but yes He is the Greatest..always know what is best for you..

So many things that has happen in life..most of them are very heartbreaking but I know I can do this...

As much as I want to me made out of stainless steel, I think I'll settle with the ME I have now..

Coz looking back, if I realy want to be a stainless steel might as well as I be one insensitive mean B**tch..hehe..but no..that's not me...I am ME...

Dearest friends all that I am begging are for your kindness and prayer...I would return the favour by praying for you guys to..thank you..

*I don't write journals because it'll be to depressing, I wrote it here so I can share and get useful advices..because someone once told me, the best advice sometimes comes from faceless strangers..(^_^)*

Sunday, September 5, 2010

For a day the everybody wins..~




To all the ones I love and care, no matter where you are this heavenly ginourmous globe, or no matter where I'll be in the future, I just wanna let each and one of you know, I got your back...If I hurt you in anyways, forgive my ignorance as I don't realy mean for it to happen..hurting you guys would mean I hurt myself..Selamat Hari Raya..love you and you and you..~

Friday, September 3, 2010

What If~

Ramadhan has been lovely so far...

I can't explain..but lately..I prefer to be alone..just needed some me time..

'What if'...I hate these two words..

I have once heard that elders once told me that the word 'What if' is not good..evil comes with it when you say it..not in an obvious way but in a very dark microscopic kinda way..

I never understood it back then but now I do..I did is more like it..

There has been so many things that has shaken me up to say the word 'What if'...

I've been asking so many 'What if' questions until I realize I got carried away...

Asking to many 'What if's' makes me realize that I forgot on how to be grateful...

Ya Allah,please forgive for my ignorance and carelessness, and for letting myself getting carried away...I have always been grateful with everything that has happen...

Whether it's good or bad, they are all good for.. I have always known that and I have always believe...

Forgive me Again....

*I realize I dun crave anything during Ramadhan and am shedding 5 kilos outta my system..it's freaky realy*