Monday, April 30, 2012

My Ayah Su (How I fell in love)

Have you ever fallen in love with someone you never laid eyes on? You still love them even the fact that they are no longer from this world. Well I have. Spending time with my grandma for a week made me learned a great deal about my long demise ayah su which I will never get the chance to see him, ever. He died at a very young age at 13, on the same year that my mother gotten married to my father. Every single evening I spent time with my grandma, I would make her tell me stories about him.

My grandma said these few incidence happened during the time that when my ayah su was about to leave this world. One night my ayah su sneaked out of the house. My grandma notice but she didn’t say a word. Simultaneously, to his disappearance my grandma also notice that on of her 50 ringgit note that she usually kept in a vase disappeared as well. The next morning my grandma noticed at the same vase where she kept her 50 ringgit note, there’s a balance in a total of 39.50 ringgit. The incidence happened a few times and only that particular moment my grandma was moved to asked my ayah su, she gently asked “Idi (my ayah sue given nicknames), Idi wat gapo dengan duit tu’ (Idi, what did you do with the money?) He innocently answered, ‘Idi guno duit to blanjo saing make mi rebuh’ (I used the money to treat my friends for mi rebus’. Then my grandma further added “kito ni buke ore senang di, mana boleh wat gitu slalu’ (Idi, we’re not that rich ourselves Idi, you can’t treat your friends all the time). He just kept quiet. The night later, he died because he had trouble breathing as he is an asthmatic child. He died in my grandma arm later that night.

When the villagers learned the news of my ayah su demised, many paid him a visit for the very last time ranging from his school teachers, friends (they purposely cut school so they could see my ayah su for the very last time) and many unknown stranger to my grandma including pakcik who sell me rebus. My grandma kindly thanked those who came and learned who these people in my ayah su’s life are. To the teachers he is a great and kind kid even though he could be a bit naughty. The teachers loved him dearly. And my grandma also came to learn that the money that he used to treat his friends, were not to treat just any mere friends, he purposely took the money to treat his friends who are poor as well as orphans. That story was shared by the pakcik who sell the mi rebus. He said the night before he passed away he has gather all his friends who are poor and orphans and treats them to mi rebus (21 in total, a mi rebus costs about 50 sen back then and that explains the 39.90 ringgit change in the vase). All the friends that he treats were that at the funeral mourning over a loss of a great friend. And other countless strangers that came to visit were the people that arwah had sincerely helped in someway during the time that he is still alive. A stranger also shared, there was also this incident that my ayah su purposely stole rambutans so that he could gave it away to those in need. He later got scolded for that ;P But was let go after that when the  orchard owner comes to know about his innocent intention. In fact the pakcik packed more rambutans for him to be given away. =) I have always wondered how a young soul could be so thoughtful. I use to wonder how it would be like if he is still a live.

I never know him, but every single time after my prayer I would sedekah prayers for my ayah su as well. Eventhough I never met him, I love him very much and hope that one day I would get the chance to meet him in the other world. He thought me that love and good deeds  knows no boundaries. He is not from this world but I come to love him dearly. When I see my grandma teared up talking about arwah, I always tell my grandma, ‘Akhirat nanti, da ade da orang nak tarik chek masuk syurga’ (Someone is already waiting to pull you into paradise when the judgement day appears). She would look up and gather her hands and say Alhamdulillah. I learn a great deal form my ayah su and  I wish I could inherit some of his character, or maybe even my kids. To my Ayah su- Al-Fatihah =)

Monday, April 16, 2012


*you are currently being stalked by me..heh heh heh

It’s been a while huh? Nevermind, for this personal space of mine I can write whenever I want right. Don’t have to write if I don’t want too aite..Haha..My life’s a mess lately..almost reaching towards the end..almost there..but that’s not the judging by the title post, I’m sorry to let you guys know that there is no elements of phsycho thriller in it..Just a few gedik2 experience that I've been stalking a few ppl ;P

For the record..I don’t stalk much..but If I find a subject worth enough to be stalk..then I stalk..hehe..Please note the keyword here is those guys that I stalked please be honored that I find you worthy..You are with a value..some ppl might say that I am easily pleased..but most of em just don’t get me..haha..Each subject that I choose to stalk is usually very definite patterns *shit, I sound like serial killer..hahaha..

Well actually the ppl you stalk are of course are your crushes..I lost count of how many crushes I have (yerp I have a long list of em) and most of em are boys or men..hahaha..stalking someone from similar gender is very unlikely unless if she is truly gorgeous (shallow I know and am not a lesbian ok ;P) and inspiring..

And here I would like to thank Mark Zuckerberg for his brilliant social network invention. Pretty convenient when it comes to stalking your crushes..Unlike in the old day when..Like high school for instant, well, if you are into a guy..of course your interested to know in getting through the wall that they build around wanna know what he’s like, what he likes, what he thinks, does he play ball..does he have a stuff toy..hahaha..You know the usual kind of things that you would want to know..And in order to obtain those kind of info means that you have to pry and being nosy, you get close to his friends to get to know em ended with a tragedy when the boy knows that you have a crush on him..followed by the incident that you blushed every single time you see him and your friends continue to torture you with the matter till the day that you graduated from high school..he’s only a freaking crush ok..haha

And then came friendster, and hell that was a pretty convenient invention only up to the point that they created that one particular apps called “click here to see who view ur profile” so again kantoi bodoh2…I bet back in friendster days, I think all crushes pretty much know that I have a huge crush on them..screw you friendster..*I wonder what ever happened to my friendster acc..hahaha..

Well, now am stalking them on facebook..well even now there are apps that you can actually used to see who sees ur profile..but I think most don’t really care anymore..hehe..

Sometimes you just have to admit, never underestimate the power of having a helps to keep going in life..when you had a messy day..u feel like kicking, screaming and tear all the soft toy on your bed…u logged into facebook and there he appears in your news feed..and that makes you smile and realize is not a bad day feels great when out of nowhere he likes your status and commented on your ‘hey I had a lousy day today’status…your day would brighten up instantly and you would jump and going gugu gaga over that particular comment or likes and brag along the corridor of the hostel telling my hostel mate that he commented or liked ur status..I mean literally..this really happened..might not be that big of a deal..but if he/she is ur crush…admit makes ur day kan kan kan!! Sometimes you just stalk him for the sheer of fun..or just to know whether he had a great day so far or not..Just wanting to know what is he’s enough to keep you going…for now the people that I stalked from a few have been narrowed down to don’t get scared If I stalked honored as you guys are worthy to be stalked..these are brilliant ppl and I wish em all the is fun..but I find you guys inspiring and I look up to you keep up the good work so that I’s continue to stalk you for the next million years..hehehe..I wonder if anyone would find me worthy to be stalked…hehehe..

Till then take care..mmuahhxxx~