Thursday, April 4, 2013

Write drunk, edit when sober~




I am an open book as I have nothing to hide..
When someone comes up to me and shoot me with questions..
I'll be sure to answer them..honestly that is..
So don't go play guessing games and make assumptions on what type of a person I am..Just come up to me and ask me questions and I don't bite..
And I believe this one particular principle is not only applicable to me only, it's a reproducible theory and applicable to all..Don't gossip..go up and ask..

One of my random rambling again, but I feel like sharing something with my dear readers ( that is if I still have one?hahaha)

I am not sure but I kinda think it's important..to me at least..recently my post are mostly about feelings..teheeeee..forgive me for being extremely sentimental this past few months..nak buat macam mana kan..am only human..hehehe

I am not sure how to begin but I have to thank Allah swt to make me live this long enough to make me see in life, anything is possible..

Feels like writing this down when while watching Love and the Other Drugs on Saturday morning while preparing my PhD proposal slides presentation to be presented for the Research Methodology Course..Well, not the typical love story you were expecting, minus all this crappy scenes, it's a pretty descent movie ..really..

When I was involved with a man back in 2009, I was the one who confided the to him being to scared that he would go away..it was perfect but distance gets in the way..I tried everything to get close to him, try applying for the university near where he works without knowing that I am jeopardizing my future by trying to mould my future to fit his..I remember that one fight we had when he get pissed saying that all the decisions I made draws me away from him..it's not as if I wanted or intended for it to happen..Some plans of my life have already been executed before he enters my life..as much as I tried Allah has better plans for me..No matter where I was, I  remain true and loyal but one day, he decided to fall in love with someone else...making decisions to call it off, i was the one who pulled the trigger..But take note that I pull the trigger after some careful thoughts..after weighing a lot of stuff, trying to see if our path will meet or overlap somewhere, but unfortunately there was none and I can't keep him for all the wrong and selfish reason..so I let him go...keeping him..it's not fair..not doing justice for both of us..

Truth to be told I grew weary and careful to avoid any relationship dramas..distance creeps me out...since then I brave the world comfortably alone..

After that, came a few...was forced to or advice to give them chances..when I did, they are no different then the other..trying to mould my future to fit theirs..telling me or giving hints on what to do...I got sick and stopped..It's true what they say..If Allah swt refuses t plant the seed of love in his servants heart, it will never come unless He permits it to happen.

Pray to Allah swt everyday single to day to at least show me at least one who was worthy of my attention..Even if it he is not for my keeping..

He decided to grant me one of my du'a..I found one..but unlike any other..it took me a while to unravel the mystery of this one particular man..like a rubix cube, it takes a while for you to solve em..he's just honest by nature..I get the impression he doesn't live under false pretences...met this guy by accident, became his friend for all the wrong reasons, but everything felt right afterwards..I like chatting (how I wish I could talk to him) with him..we don't do it often, but every time i get the chance to chat with him, he leaves a lasting effect..I feel sane after single time I chat with him..when all else goes haywire..he without knowing, always says the right thing..things I want to hear..

So a few days (or was it week) back I shared with him my preparation for my PhD study..told him that everything is happening so fast it kinda creeps me out..he said, "don't be, good things are hard to come by'...it surprised me and tears well at the corner of my eye..how can there still be a man who encourages you like that..that is when I pray to Allah swt to grant him only the best that life has to offer..I have not yet bumped into a man who wished me well, instead they were questioning 'are you sure this is what you want?'...'x takut ke pergi sorg'.. 'kenapa x buat local je'.. that is how different he is..unselfish act/comment like this is very rare...enough or suffice enough that Allah swt has shown me there are a still a few good men out there..like I said even if he is not for my keeping, he deserves only the best =) Sometimes I would ask myself before I sleep..can I keep you, all to myself ..they say the cure to boredom is curiosity, but there's no cure for curiosity, and I am very curious about you..hahahaha...so much to unravel and the future remains a mystery for both of us...till then..be happy and stay happy =)



2 comments:

  1. Hey you! It's been a while since I last dropped by here. Wishing all the wonderful things in life, you can do it! :D

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  2. izra~
    likewise..may you are granted with all the best things with what life has to offer =)

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