Thursday, September 27, 2012

Wear heart on your sleeve~

Your parents showers you with unconditional love
Your siblings will always have your back
But my bestfriends ,they taught me it’s ok to wear your heart on your sleeve..I can be whoever I want to be when I am with them..I am allow to love them openly...teheeee…
Hugs and kisses..and I mean literally..I can kiss ‘em and hug ‘em anytime I want..Be jealous~

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Being at the blossoming age of 28, the most frequented asked question why are you not married yet? I would answer with a smile. But I was caught of guard once when my mama brought up the subject herself and she finally said ‘Kenapa yer, setiap kali mama cakap pasal hal ni je, adik macam putus asa?’ I was surprised and wondered what kinda facial expression I’d been giving her every time she tried to venture into the subject. The rest were the normal accusations saying that I am being too choosy, some told me am being to ambitious. Hello, since when being ambitious has anything to do with this. The worst case scenario, some even think that I am lesbian. Buta apa kepala hotak kau.

Dear mama, I know you are worried. I am worried too.

More than being worried, I am actually being more careful. I don’t mind being judged, because most people don’t now what I’ve been through. But at one point in time, you just get too tired of being misunderstood.

Sacrifice. Have you made one yourself? I have. Torn me to pieces. I know how it feels like to be wounded. But as much as I don’t want anyone to travel the same road I once travel, I don’t want to go through the same ordeal and torment I once had. Like walking barefoot on a burning coal or broken glass. Getting so close to losing your sanity. I became cautious.You see as that one happy bunch but I brush away any advanced made towards me. But it’s more like I really haven’t found the security that I continue to seek.

Commitments are like a fragile crystal glass from where I see it. If you don’t hold onto it carefully, you’ll end up breaking them into pieces and it will never be the same again. I don’t want that to happen.

Do I have someone that I like? Of course I do. not sure…haha..But I guess I have just to stop there. Stop dead in the track. I don’t want to be unfair to anyone. I don’t want anyone to make unnecessary sacrifices having to give up everything and runaway with me. I just brave the cold blooded world alone and lonely for now. Empty, that’s for sure.

But once I am done, when I find that the guy that I like still remains the same as I left him, I’ll be sure to do the chase. I took the lead once, I don’t mind doing it again. I’ll force him to give in..hahaha =)

The conclusion drawn from the post is that I am not a lesbian and I am as straight as hell..I like men..there you have it =)

Monday, September 24, 2012


The first time I met you, when was it? A year? Or was it two years ago? You weren’t in my favor as something else grabs my attention during that moment. You were proven to be hostile. A man of a few words. Seems like you were only interested and more absorbed in your work. You seem to be living in your own realm. Focused. Before I left I thought I gave you one final glance, how mysterious you were but I just dismissed the whole notion.  I did got the chance to hear your voice. Deep I guess or was I wrong. The memories were vague instead of vivid. Then later the virtual world allows us to become acquaintance. But when I finally got to know your name, I found it intriguing. Till this day I wonder what it means. You offered very little information about yourself. As time goes by, you have proven to have more than what meets the eye. Beauty is only skin deep they say but what’s inside of you makes you stunning. You are beauty on your own. Now how I wish that I can ask you to stay a little longer even as a companion or as a friend. I am glad that somehow we are friends even though at the same time you are a complete alien to me. Sometimes I do imagine or picturing myself how it would be like to really talk to you in person, having to hear your voice. But imaginations remain as imaginations. I’ll stop here before it gets more severe. Since I feel like I am about to explode keeping everything inside I decided to write. And you know what’s the best thing about you, you make me want to write again and I told myself why not make this one about you. That’s a start~

So I have a trilogy to finish. I leave it at that for now. Have a great day everyone. =)